Wednesday Midnight.
30th Sept

Its 3.20am already & I better get some sleep now. I need to go school LATEER & I've yet to wake up call RADZ that BABI of mine. Suke eyk kow menyusahkan ako! HAHAHA :D

NITEEEEEES people. Oops, I mean MAWNING people!!

Pardon me if Im way back to update my blog.

Will be posting a short short short details here since Im @ my cousin's house :D

Heading to school soon since Im having some CIP over @ Pertapis. So, noth much which means I'll be bringing some food fo th elderly & yes, Radz gna pay me by ciggies :D Kan babi ?

Life is such a troublesome one, I tell you! I thought it will turn out pretty perfect but hell no. Altho its troublesome, Im still leading a good life now rather than th previous term which some people knew what happened. So thanks people!

I got fed up w some friends of mine. Planning to have some raya outing but in th end, asking me to plan?! Im fine w it, but some people doesnt have th heart to @least text me up or call me asking if th plan still going on smoothly. No one contacted me & still without them, I still plan by myself. But, none appreciate my deeds, so I shall not bother. I know this will be a killing one but sorry, I had enough seyy. Talking about money issue, I knew it will be HARD to fork out @least $35 fo each & everyone of us, but its just 1 day outing. Including driver & petrol. I think again, its damn worth it. If you people think back. But, I knew some are having financial, so I have th cheek to think back th disadvantages. Aaah nvm, I knew it wont happen.

NEXT.

I miss my lil darling of mine. Yeah, that katek of mine Siti Nur Zarina. HAHAHA :D
Eyk ling, ako ryndu kow. Kow taq ryndu ako ker? Mama suroh poser tknk poser, chat ngn I isap rokok, mkn keropok air ice lemon tea. Kan biadap tuh name nyer. HAHAHA =D Tpy tetap I ryndu & sayang you. HEHEHEHE

NEXT.

Oke, Im having period right now & gosh, its 3rd day still Im having cramps here & there. Sungguh taq perlu ni smue. Fcuk, I cant bear this pain & am holding on strong. I've been crying to bear th pain. Ass.

Keh bye need change paaad :D

A week back, went to East Coast w friends just to celebrate this lil bitch's birthday. Beforehand, we thought of going somewhere to chill but since this bitch of mind craving fo McCafe, Double Chocolate Frappe, we headed to this East Coast. So, walked around & decided to play pool w them. It was funny & we were happily joking away. And we cant believe that this bitch of mine, played pool like this:
HAHA. Now tell me, who played like this? It was embarassing but hey(!) we actually having some fun. So, after pool headed to somewhere where we can buy lotsa food + can bump into lotsa minah & mats =GEYLANG.

Since bitch intend to buy food fo her ex boyfriend, & they kept forcing me to eat since 1 whole day I dint breakfast. So, just take away some food fo family(:

Parted some ways, not to worries friends sent us girls home. Talked to this guyfriend & asked if motorcyclist loves into cuttng/design & why. So he explained frankly & hey, it doesnt make any sense @ all. Nvm then.

These days reached home always without fail after 2am. And I guess, Im all stress out. Believe me anot, I changed fo th worst & it simply sucks to th core. How I wish, this wasnt what I intend to have in this way in life. Sorry if this attitude of mine sucks.

I've been slapped by someone who is dearly to me since I was baby, toddler, youngster & young adult. It saddens me that you showed me your true colour to others. And in order fo me to change to th better, let me be th way I want. Worst, I intend to do. I couldnt help it & I got th urge to tell frankly but too bad, both of you cant accept th fact. Sorry, Im just being truthful. Isnt that a good thing being truthful? I cant believe it happen again. Thanks fo making me this way, parents.

Few days back, I went to make new friends from my hometown who used to whistle @ pretty girls, gossip like girls & etc late @ night (Nothing better to do, I know). At first, I thought they were great friends to be. But slowly things gone far beyond my expectation. Asking me to do what they asked to such as, give what they want. Im scared so I called this dearest of mine, but saddening me, this dearest of mine dint even pick up any calls from me. So, theres nothing to do, I decided to followed them & run away. I was scared & it traumatised me enough. I cried fo godness sake & alhamdullilah, I tried running away from those incident but sorry, my mind was still over th incident. Those looks & actions kept appearing on my mind. I made th correct choice to run.

I thought saying sorry would ease people's mind & their thinking were positive but, it turned upside down. So, without fail, I kept saying sorry to this dearest of mine & although it hurts I kept saying without fail. I knew Im in fault but @least I told & realised. So alhamdullilah, theres nothing against us.

Now, life being more such a hassle. Leading a life whereby I pretend nothing happened like zombie. Follow th flow & mix th people whom I know, not whom Idk.

I had lotsa fun w junkies where I can be pampered alot of times. Speaking of pampared, I miss Aman alot & finally, I got hugged by you. I love my brother like alot altho it might thot that we're couples. HAHA :D Homed @ 4am in mawning so texted junkies that they will be a next time to hang around. But now, I've been controlled by someone. Sorry sesngt (:

Maybe, I shall learn how to accept & adapt th changes in me & th surrounding. Insya'allah, I'll be fine(:

Now, my friendship w Nur Syahadah is drifting away. So, no worries everyth is gna be fine. It hurts her badly but sorry babe, I need time to ease & befriends whom ever I want. Soon, I'll get back to you(: No worries babe, Im fine. I love you.

Oke, I need to away fo th meantime. Exam around th corner yet Im still here to jolly well enjoying. Now, I wna revise(:

Chaos!

Im kind of disappointed on myself. Usually, I pushed all th blames to me, but now, Ive yet to learn that, not only me who change but everyones too. Y'know, its upset me th most when people surrounded me, has changed. For example, used to contact me without fail. Always there fo me when I need someone to hear my problems, report strength every now & then, otp w me without fail & send & fetch me from school.

After one incident happened, a friend of mine seldom contact me & I felt kind of hopeless. This friend of mine without fail, make me stand up on my own & I dare not to be rebelious. I thank him fo changing me but, now it turned upside down.

We became drifting & every night before I went to sleep, I pray to god wishing change fo th better. Every text messages I send, none were reply except a pretty friends. I called, but no response. Asking in a nicest way why avoiding & replied me that lazy to entertain. Thank you fo hurting me & making me cry one whole night.

Reached home pretty late nowadays, running away & mixing w bad company but who cares, its my life & none can control me.

Thank you fo changing & thank you fo making me useless to you.

Choose.

10 Sept

Im done w you, no need to mention.

Its been a jerk to me that, I always been blamed. Whats wrong w people nowadays? I know, things always happen reasonly but why must it be me till now, Im scared, phobia, trauma, hurting & doubtly. I never knew it hurts me so much till, it always in a harsh way.

Vulgarities here & there, almost knocking down, crying, shouting & not to forget, always intend to win when th other party about to tell/talk, ass.

Wassup being flirty girl? Everyone flirts. Dont tell me, not one single soul hasnt been flirting around. Flirt if theres a LIMIT. Ass lah. Mcm naq smack smack kick kick.

Why must I jote down here? Publicity siol. Aaah, nvm who cares anws?

---

Im waiting fo my property to be handed in to me without asking. If people can be harsh, so do I.

---

Aaaah, Im too sleepy. Shall be taking some nap lata!

Slept throughout th day since Im damn effing weak & I need some peace.

Hella no, not schooling since all teachers are having some course & yay(!), I can study fo POA which tomorrow CA. BEG tasks which I hasnt complete fo now. So, I have to complete now.

Life been miserable day by day & I want things to stop now. I wna some peace & how long I must wait so that I finally get my peace? A hassle life Im leading now.

Oh, Im down w flu & sorethroat. Fo now, my eyesight is troubling me & yes, I cant seem to see clearly. Its too blurrish. I hate it so much, & scared its getting worst. Insya'Allah Im fine(:

My post will be kind of short fo now, bcox I really & seriously doesnt have any mood.

Toodles!

How much more you want me to suffer being like this? You know that I despise th way you're treating me. Not myself but, yourself too. Please have some sense & dont bcox of you're angry, you put ALL th blames to me.

Yes, I did telling you about th 'time out' bcox I need some LIFE & SPACE too.

Oh yea, what th hell are you tryna do, monster? Bought stuff fo me, yet claim it back? IF you think you cant buy stuff which is not whole heartedly, then dont buy/give. Bagi pastu, amek balik? BODOH PEH LAKY.

You told me what just now? You suffer fo 6 months? What about me? I suffered more than you. Have you ever showed th careness towards me? Have you sympathy me?! Have you ever think that you should stop doing those shits to me?! Im NOT scared of you & Im NOT what you may think of. IDC what you gain & lose about.

You GAIN while I lose right? Think again ah! You made me suffered & now, what?! Naq ako suffer lagi?! BOLEH, APE SALAH NYERH. Do what you wna do bcox I know, things always happens fo a reason. You are so NOT MY FCUKING TYPE.

APOLOGISE TO ME?! SAVE IT. BACK W ME? SAVE IT TOO.

Thanks to you, Im BECOMING worst. I wasnt like this in th 1st place. THINK BACK DURING 2008 TIMES.

I REGRET REGAINING MY MEMORY. I REGRET IN LIFE WHEN IM W YOU. I REGRET CHANGING YOU FO TH BETTER, DESPITE THOSE EFFORT I PUT IT, YOU JUST WASHED IT AWAY. I REGRET ALOT FO CRYING FO YOU & ONLY YOU.

STAY AWAY FROM ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Intend to give school amiss but, nah ~ I promised this ass of mine or kambeng of mine that I wont absent from school again UNLESS Im sick. Argh ~ Thank you kambeng fo giving me this 'sickness' of not to absent. Woah cannot take it oke. But Im happy enough that, altho Im sick yet I still forced myself to go school & guess what, Im proud of myself fo attending school fo 3 days (except mon & tues) despite th sickness Im having right NOW.

Wednesday.
Its been a week plus I went to school. So, today had th initiative to go school since I already away fo some days. Friends were shocked that all of sudden I came. They were asking like makcik kpo why I didnt attend school. Aww, sorry oke & I miss you junkies too ~ HAHA :D

Thursday.
Did not fast since I ate medicine in school. Yes, I mention medicine bcox Im down w high fever, flu & sorethroat. No, its not bcox of smoke. Its bcox of shouting, thats why Im having sorethroat. I can feel my throat is heaty so, I decided to drink warm plain water. So, after eating th medicine, I fall asleep during POA lesson. I was damn weak on that point of time & I can feel th heat surrounded by me. I told myself not to create trouble since its th 2nd day of school fo me. So, yeah. Home straight & all I could think of is to rest till breakfasting & I did. Reached home, got changed & rest. I really couldnt take it th pain. And furthermore, Im having migrain. Ass ~

At night, received calls from Sya & Fadh since th both of them wanted to meet me badly. So, agreed despite th sickness & sorry babes fo worried sick fo me. Sya bought yong tou fu soup which I told her to buy. Thank You.

Fadh, dont fuh fuh too much oke? Im worried fo you. But not to worry, Im always here fo you if you are down nor happy(: Happy happy selalu oke sisterly?

Report strength & done.

Friday.
Headed down to Pasir Laba Camp which located @ Jurong. NS Army were having Open House. Was kind of long journey but fortunate enough that Kin, Ngantok & Shahril entertain me. I kept disturbing Kin & Ngantok in th bus. Was cute yet funny. Yeah, Im bored that why.

Sesungguhnya dah sampai sane, nampak minah & mat. Eww ~

Pretend nothing happen & just talk to my friends normally. So, texted this kambing of mine all th way & baek per, p school lambat. Ass kow lah ~ But nvm, as long you go school, Im happy enough. Th open house was quite okeh lah. Took alot of photos & bbygirls of mine were excited when th moment I took out my camera. HAHA :D Suker eyk korg.

Overall it was fun despite th bad weather. HAHA :D Fool around, shouting & fighting fault. It was fun, overall. Some school were there like, Simei, Bishan, Yishun, Tamp, Northlight & Etc. Speaking of Northlight, some were staring @ some of my friends & I told one of my cliques this 'Kiwak, naq step mane peh big fcuk. Benci siak. Prangai taq perlu stare2 oke' & I think one of th Northlight were paisey already. Tulah, stare lagi kan! Amek kow ~ HAHA!

After 1 of th presentation, it was raining heavily. Baek per. But its good lah. Tour around th whole area & we finally settle down this Mission World. Walked around th whole area fo like 5 times. HAHA. I want this magnet badly but somehow, Im damn paiseh lah. Bumped in Guo Wei & Subhana. Haha, miss them muchly. (:

So, walked around then took survey. Went to th pick up point since its nearly to go home. Saw Choon Hao. Still th same(: Slept in th bus while otw back to school. Tired okeh.

Now, I would like to wish this Mat Rep or known as Muhd Arif, th ex.
Happy 17th Birthday. You look young but, you're getting older every year. May Allah blessed you & hopefully you'll lead a happy journey throughout years upcoming. Take care dearest(:

I adore people having lots of fun out there. I miss being a child who without fails never had a pure love, pampered, hugs, kisses, cradle & etc. How I wish I can me a child.

I never thought being a young adult will end up being like this. I know things never get what I want in life but @least, have th initiative to tell whats th world are having. I miss everyth.

I miss my smile, laugh, hug, kiss, love, understanding, jokes, pampered & th one I love most. How am I suppose to have all this when I knew I can never get what I want nor desire. This is not fair @ all.

Sorry fo shouting name that I shouldnt suppose to shout/called. I guess, I cant stop thinking about you. Im sorry fo mistreating you. Im sorry fo making you like this. Im sorry if I get you into this mess. Im sorry if I let you hear my tears. Im sorry if you were there yet I kept shouting into your ears. Im sorry if I let myself suffer when you werent w me. Im sorry if I still miss you. Im sorry if I love you once more. Im sorry.

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